Sow Much Chaos, Sow Little Secrecy
I will not wash my van. Wait, let me clarify. I will not wash my van on a regular basis. Why would I? It’s just going to get dirty again and I have no desire to waste time like that. I did however wash one window of the van yesterday. What could possibly make me [...]
Dear Son, I know that you are concerned about discovering your un descended testicle and are a tad freaked out about only having one but could you please stop reminding me in public places to make your “penis appointment?” I’m starting to get weird looks from passers by. And also, your penis is not [...]
This day just keeps getting better. And by better I mean really crappy. I’m seriously ready to find a new job. One that doesn’t require watching my children needlessly suffer and bandaging nasty gashes. I’m just not cut out to be a psychologist, an ER nurse and a person who deals well in emergency situations. [...]
A thick, pungent odor is lurking outside of our house. We can smell it the second the door opens. It holds us captives in these stuccoed walls, because if we dare leave, it violates our olfactory senses in unholy ways. The stench grows stronger and more putrid with the dawning of each new day. Try [...]
If my stomach was a factory, this is what it would sound like right now: Ted (manager of food processing): “Hey Bob, whadda we do with this salad from yesterday?”Bob (assistant manager): “Gee Ted, I dunno. That was supposed to be sent down to Bill in shipping.”Ted: “Hey Bill, why is this salad still here?”Bill [...]
