I’ve written about my dad before. It’s no secret that we have had a strained relationship at times. In fact, our rocky relationship was televised for the world to see a few years back on Supernanny. It has been five years since the show aired and I still get people asking me how things are with my dad. So I feel compelled to do a follow up post on where we are now.
It is true that time heals all things. However, time does not rebuild what has been destroyed. That takes a lot of effort. Luckily, I had a foundation of about thirteen great years spent with my dad before he left. A foundation helps tremendously because I can look back and remember the dad he was before everything was destroyed. I remember him staying up late to build my sisters and I doll houses for Christmas. I remember him taking me to a father daughter dance. He was there for every dance recital, every school function, every scrape or heartache. Many people don’t have memories like that to rebuild on, so I am grateful.
Many people don’t know this but Jo Frost actually paid to fly my dad out to see me after the show had aired. We got to really sit down and talk about what happened when he left and why. Revisiting a painful event is not easy, but it was very therapeutic in understanding my dad’s side of the story. I was able not only to forgive but also discover a few details about the divorce and his coming out that had inadvertently ruined the relationship between my mom and my paternal grandmother. Yes, divorce affects everyone. As a result of that visit, I was able to make the decision to let go of my hurt and anger. I also was able to set the record straight for my mom and grandma, so that they too could rebuild what had been destroyed.
Rebuilding my relationship with my dad when I did was amazing timing. I believe that it was God’s way of preparing me for the loss of my grandpa in 2008. My grandpa had become my father figure after my dad had left. His passing was very traumatic for me. God knew that I was going to need a daddy here on Earth. Funny how that happens, isn’t it?
Over the past five years, I have seen my dad a few times in person. He stays with us whenever he comes down from his home in Alabama. We text and call frequently. We joke around like we did when I was growing up and talk about deeper things too. He scolds me when I need it. He hurts when I am hurting. He celebrates with me when good things happen in my life. He is the dad that I had been missing for so long. My dad. My life is so much more complete with him in it. He is planning on moving back soon to be near us. He misses seeing his grand kids grow up. We are even planning on writing a book together after he moves back to California. The decision to rebuild was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Inside of every woman, there lives a little girl. Every little girl needs a daddy. I’m so blessed to have mine in my life and I will never take that for granted again. Rebuilding a torn relationship is hard to do, but I am proof that it is possible.
Dad holding me as a baby
About Kadi
Oh, Kadi! Thank you so much for posting this. I really think I was meant to read this. I have been questioning so many things about my relationship with my father. I have prayed for answers. I will choose to rebuild also!
I’m so happy you and your dad worked things out, Kadi. My dad died when I was 21 years old. I miss him every day. He never got to see his first granddaughter or walk me down the aisle. These are things I pray my Ro doesn’t miss out on with her daddy.
My birthday is very hard for me because I was born on my father’s birthday. Until he died, I celebrated every birthday of my life with him. It sucks not to have him here with me anymore.
Treasure the gift you have been given with your dad — you never know when it might be your last time with him.
And you’re right, little girls need their daddy, even when they just turned 41.