It’s a question I ask myself daily. Everytime I see a puddle of spilled milk getting crusty from sitting on the floor and being ignored by all seven of our kids. Everytime I put on jeans and they fit a tad more snug than the last time I wore them. Everytime I look in the mirror and notice a new line around my eyes. And the latest use of “When did this happen?” came just today when I realized that my oldest will be turning into a teenager next week. Take a look:
Yeah. I blinked and it happened. JUST.LIKE.THAT. Frightening. I’m not ready. So, here is the part where I bombard you veteran mothers of teens with questions…
- How do you get teens to not think you are a complete weiner (today’s equivalent of what knew in our day as a dork?)
- How do you let go in order to give them their freedom, without letting go too much?
- How do you deal with the fact that adulthood is only 5 years away?
- Is the first child the hardest to see though teenagehood?
- Is it as scary as I’m afraid it will be?
- Is it too early to have a glass of wine, because I could really use one right about NOW?
About Kadi
Go ahead and get out the wine. Then, head over to my new site http://www.inbetweenmoms.com to hear from mentor moms that have been there done that! Praying for you, girl!
Genius, Melissa! I have to laugh because I tried to buy that domain awhile back for a webshow I was doing. I’d love to interview about the site and link to it for other moms to have in their arsenal…I mean…mental resource list! LOL
Kadi,
I raised 4, ages 18-30. They have all moved out, even the 18 year old (she’s almost 19 & graduated a a year early).
Here are my random bits of wisdom.
Your responsibility is not to make them like you. It is to help them grow up to be responsible and reasonably well-adjusted adults.
Whenever possible, let natural consequences run their course instead of punishment. And most of the time you don’t even need to say a word.
Start letting the rope out just a little at a time. Not so much they can hang themselves, but they have to learn to be independent eventually. Just know that there will come a time when you will have to say “I don’t like the idea of you doing ___________, however I believe you are getting old enough to make your own choices. These will be very difficult. I let my youngest go to a rave party. She was the photographer and she was 18. Did I like it? Not one bit. But I had to learn to let go, knowing she was going to be out on her own soon anyway.
Now said daughter is actually pregnant (many may look and think that was due to my parenting style, but I don’t agree). She is in a stable relationship and they both have good jobs and a place to live. However, one of those natural consequences things? She had wanted her belly button pierced but I would not sign for her or pay for it. That was one of the first things she did when she moved away. When she was home at Thanksgiving, she asked me to help her get her BB ring out. She made the comment “That was $60 down the drain!”
I will tell you that my adult kids are some of my greatest friends. I was only 16 when the oldest was born so I really consider her my best friend. So even if they do think you’re a wiener, they secretly love you and need you and they will eventually think you are awesome eventually!
Sorry for the rambling, and definitely stock up on wine.
Bernice
Teaching kids to do their share around the house
Thank you tremendously for sharing your wisdom, Bernice! You are a gem!
I have 14 year old Twin Daughters, a son who just turned 20 & a 21 year old son. And I must say I have loved every stage of parenting. My advice to you would be relax & enjoy the Teen years! They are so much fun!
You stay relevant (& weiner-less)
by just talking to them. I’m a firm believer in Family dinners! And I’ve learned not to ask things like “how was school today?” or any other questions that can be answered with “fine!” I ask open ended questions, like what’s your favorite class, who’d you sit with at Lunch today, etc. To me talking is the key. Don’t be afraid of any subject. The more you get them talking, you more you stay connected into their lives.
And I think the last child entering their teens is the hardest.
Hang in there, you’ve set a good foundation & you will make a great Mother of Teenagers! Don’t think of it as scary, but as exciting, because that it will be!
Dearest Cousin….
1. Weenies ROCK! ;o) (Gunther is 9 by the way, and getting grayer by the day)! Seriously, though, there’s nothing wrong with being a parental wiener from time to time.
2. NEVER LET GO. That’s as terrifying for them as it is for you. Just loosen your ‘grip’. I tried to keep the mantra fair to both kids as one ‘got to do more’ because she was older. The Mantra? With age comes more privilege, with more privilege, comes more responsibility.
3. One day at a time lovie, Be in the moment today.
4. ABSOLUTELY!!!! (but i only have two kidlets, and i’m betting your girl is gonna be easier than mine)!
5. & 6. Teenagers are like roller coasters….SCARY but FUN!!!!! Enjoy the ride, and make out with your boyfriend while you’re in line for each kid! (because mothers don’t live by wine alone)! ;o)